Christmas

It had only been a year since he had become nothing. Not mortal, not immortal, just something in between, living off borrowed time. The same time he kept giving away to his only treasure, Bonnie. He stood outside a house swallowed in snow. Christmas lights flickered on and off, dancing against the white. Purple hues traced along the brick walls, guiding his eyes to the window where his sister was. He knew the rules. This was as far as he could go. Just outside the house, across the street.
His fingers twitched around the gift he held, the pink wrapping paper crinkling with each small movement. He was not even thinking. Just staring. Snow slowly gathered in his hair, dusting his shoulders. Not even the cold biting at his nose pulled him out of it.
After what felt like an hour, he finally moved.
Snow crunched beneath each heavy step. His breathing grew uneven as he got closer, closer than he ever allowed himself. A warmth bloomed in his chest, spreading to his fingertips as he reached for the window sill.
Then he froze.
Soft sobs.
And his name.
“I miss you, Eddie.”
His body went rigid, then unbearably heavy. His hand dropped back to his side. The winter wind pushed against him, making him sway, but he stayed rooted in place, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.
He missed her too.
So much it hurt to breathe.
His jaw clenched as he stood there, forced to listen. Every rational thought slipped away as the urge took over, loud and desperate. To just go in. To hold her. Just this once.
“Eddie…”
Another sob.
He bit down on his lip, chewing at it as his vision blurred. Warm tears spilled down his cheeks, stinging against the cold. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to steady himself.
He lowered his head, staring at the snow as his tears stained it. Then, without thinking, he moved again. His hand lifted, reaching for the window. Ready to push it open. Ready to climb in.
A hand caught his coat and pulled him back.
He inhaled sharply, head snapping around. One of them. Someone from the afterlife bureau. “You know you can’t do that, Eddie. I’m here as a friendly warning. It won’t be me next time.” Eddie did not respond. He could not even look at him. His arm came up to cover his eyes, hiding whatever was left of his composure. His lips trembled, unable to form a word.
He sank back against the wall and slid down into the snow, the arm still shielding his face. Fresh tears broke through as he pulled the gift close to his chest with his other arm.
The great lawyer reduced to a shaking mess.
All he could hear was Bonnie crying his name, his own uneven breathing, and faint Christmas music drifting through the night. He could feel the man’s eyes on him. “Come on, Eddie. We have to go before they notice you’re this close.”
He could not move.
He stayed there, repeating Bonnie’s name over and over in his head. What was the point of any of this if he could not even hold her? The worker sighed, brushing snow from his own coat before stepping closer. He grabbed Eddie’s arm and pulled him up with ease. For a brief moment, he saw his face.
Eddie looked....young.
Almost like a child after getting in trouble.
His eyes were red and glassy, filled with tears that would not stop. His nose burned red from the cold. His lips trembled, pulling into a broken pout that would not settle, making the beauty mark above his lip dance with every movement. And his eyes… soft. Pleading. A rare, unguarded look no one was meant to see.
As soon as he was steady, Eddie shoved the man away.
Carefully, he placed the gift on the window sill. He allowed himself one last look. Her chocolate hair. Her small arms wrapped around the white cat plush he had won for her at a summer fair.
He wanted to smile.
He couldn’t.
His lips parted as he mouthed silently, “I love you, Bonnie.”
Then he forced himself to move. Each step away felt wrong. Pain flared in his chest, sharp and deep, as his hands came up to clutch it. It felt like something was digging into his heart, tearing it apart from the inside.
He made it down the block before his legs gave out.
He dropped to his knees, hands still gripping his chest like if he let go, it would all spill out. His breath came out in harsh clouds, uneven and breaking. His shoulders started to shake as the sobs he had been holding back finally tore free.
He fell forward, forehead pressing into the snow, knees digging into the cold pavement.
He did not feel it.
He couldn't.
Not with this.
His cries were swallowed by the wind, lost in the storm as he broke apart on the sidewalk.
And all the man could do was stand there and watch, held in place by the raw, unbearable emotion spilling out of the sleezy lawyer who was never supposed to look like this.