Ten Years

Who knew I’d meet someone so genuine in a game as toxic as the one we played. League queued us together, but it was your mind that kept me close, another deep thinker, another wanderer of the inner world. You speak with a poetry I envy, words flowing from you like they’ve been waiting for your voice. Meanwhile, mine knot themselves in my throat, thinking too fast, speaking too slow, leaving gaps of silence I punish myself for. We used to be so close. Nights on call, talking about everything, the moon, the ache, the things we never told anyone else. You weren’t afraid of the scary feelings, and I wasn’t either. We mirrored each other in ways I didn’t understand yet. At one point, my heart reached for you. I confessed, then tucked the truth away under an excuse But I know now I wasn’t burying anything I was rejecting myself first, hoping to outrun the sting of you doing it later. Life happened. We drifted. The calls faded, the messages thinned out. Then I got sick, and even lifting my arm felt like lifting a world. But still, you lived in the back of my mind, a quiet presence, a name my heart didn’t forget. I didn’t think I deserved to return to your life. But I did. I got brave one night and messaged you because I missed the way we used to talk. Like when you opened your chest, shed tears, spoke truths heavy enough to split the ground. I didn’t have the words... I never have the words, but I listened. And in that moment, I knew I wasn’t alone in the weight I carry. We’re back in touch now, but it isn’t what it once was. I miss it. I miss us, whatever shape we were. And I feel a gap I don’t know how to close, afraid if I speak too much, you’ll leave me on read, afraid you no longer have time for me the way you used to. Yet even so, I cherish you. Always have. Always will. And then you messaged me... out of nowhere reminding me we’ve been friends for ten years. Ten years. You remembered when I didn’t think you would. Your words melted a piece of doubt I’d been carrying for too long and gave me strength to heal my fragile body just a little more. I wish my fears didn’t hold me hostage. I wish I could tell you everything without shaking. Maybe one day we’ll dye our hair together again, then look up at the stars, two souls spilling open into the night. And maybe, if the universe is kind, we’ll die in a burning barn together